For the last couple of days I've been view life as journey.  I was on the bus to the chapel when thrown out head first.  I'm still healing (which is going to take time)  but I'm at a curious fork in the road. One is that I go and move away from where I am and start over new, I'm free to be able to move any where I want too but where go and what to do.  If I head down this road I think getting out of journalism would be part of it but also there would be a hult on training at my school.  I want to become at least a first dan before relocating.  The other fork is that I stay were I'm going and mabye change jobs and relocate some place that is still within an hour drive of my school until I've completed my black belt examine at least (maybe longer).

It's a hard choice because TKD has been there for me since I first stepped into the dojang.  No matter if I was happy or sad, sunshines or rain, TKD is has been a constent.  I've come to a point in my life were TKD is very important to me and I would much rather being doing that then anything else.  It never mattered how much pain I was in or what was going through my mind.  I am able to escape the real world with going through forms. 

I have class tonight,  I'm going to sit down with my instructor and let her know what is going on.  I feel bad for letting her know about my issues but she has been open with me and I think that I owe her that.  I don't want to burdden with her wondering if I'll be ok or not.  I'll be fine but it's a matter of time to let things go. I am looking forward to learning my new form tonight as well.  Usually new forms are taught the following Tuesday after test, but due to my job and not being able to come on Tuesdays at the moment so I get to learn my tonight. hopefully either the assistant or head instructor can make class a little early and allow me to start learning my form  early. 

After class is going to be the hard part, I'm meeting with my fiancee (I guess she's really not my fiancee anymore just don't know what to call her besides her name( to return her items she left at my place.  Then after that I have an hour drive home, I'm packing a lot of cds so that I can blast my faviorte tunes so that I can keep my mind off of things till I get home.  I couple of friends of mine that live in the area and they want to stop by their place before heading home, I'll propably do it just won't stay too long. 

I always liked the idea that any jouney starts with the first step, usually I believe that the first step is always the easiest and it will get harder down the road.  This time however, I find myself trying to take my first step and confused because I'm still lying face down in the dirt.  I'm greatful for the friends that have helped pick me up, dust off some the dirt and stand by myside waiting for me to choose which way to go.