Let me start by saying that I am more than grateful for the people in my life and the blessings that I have. I know, that while these last couple of years especially, have been
really rough, I am undeniably blessed, and that things could certainly be much worse. With that said though, let me emphasize this again... I have been through A LOT! But here's the coolest thing about all of it...
GOD has been with me all of the way through it, and that's not changing. Sometimes things seem impossible, believe me, I know, but faith is required in those things. If they didn't seem out of reach, what would faith be? So, sitting here, with my leg stretched out infront of me, not knowing what tomorrow holds for it in PT (physical therapy).... will the bike hurt like crazy again?, will the muscles spasm and refuse to let go?, will my knee give when I try to take a proper step... AGAIN?, or maybe just maybe.... will it all work together and right for the first time in over 2 yrs?... I know that the only thing that matters is that God has me all of the way through this. I know that HE is, among so many other things, the healer. I know that He can have it mended by the next blink of my eye if He sees it as best. I also know that He can have a greater good in mind for my condition. I know that no matter what happens or doesn't happen with my leg (among other things) that God has me all of the way.
Ya see, I give it ALL to Him. I have learned, and I have learned, and I have learned time and time again, to seek God
first, before and in all things. So it's His, and, believe me, He doesn't fail at anything and never does anything half way.
Now, I know that this might seem "preachey" to some people, but this isn't a sermon. This is the truth. It's not just words, it is the very real, very true, very factual... the enduring truth. It never changes.
I have dealt with abuse, but God brought me through it. He showed me His love and when I finally took His hand, the one that He had out stretched to me all along (and I just didn't wanna see b/c I wanted to make things work), He picked me up and carried me away from that situation into a new one w/o that pain.
He did this while my leg was shut down! I couldn't even work! I mean, tell me how much sense you think that makes? He showed me I had to, it was time, that better things awaited for me, His daughter. And only in KNOWING that this was true, did I step out and away from that place. I didn't know how I'd make it, but I knew that it was what I had to do. Guess what? He has been taking care of me all of the way through it.
My heart is so happy and thrilled with our God! I mean, He took these truths that I knew about Him before and pushed them all of the way down, deep, deep inside so that the joy of His love and warmth of His light rose up all of the way through me. Even in these trials, I smile. I can't help it. He is so real. He has not ever stepped away from me, even when I didn't wanna look. See, the truth never changes. We might try not to see it, we chose to pretend not to hear it, but it's always there. Accept the truth of His love and dare to see what He will do in your life when you put your faith in Him and His will. That's HIS will, not ours, not our control. (Most of us are control freaks and don't even realize it.) If you think about it, you'll probably find that you don't do so good when your in the driver's seat. I know that His way is much better than mine. THANK GOD (literally)!!!
I could go on and on with this, but how could I ever stop? So, here is what I am going to say. I LOVE to train, I love physical fitness and the gift of being able to take care of my body and exercise. I am an active person. While those things are very true of me, they do not make me. God does. I would love to be able to go back at it 110% again. My leg was paralyzed. How out of reach do you think running can seem to me now? I think that could happen though. Well, I know it
could. Wether it does or doesn't though, I will give it, the above and beyond, of myself and I know that God will work wonders with me exactly where I'm at, like this, leg and all. Yes, He can still use me wether it's restored or not. And really, what else matters beyond that? (I know I'm getting better than this though. Just not sure how much.
)
I am grateful for the people who have told me how inspired they are. Not by me, but what God has done in me. They say the most incredible things just because I stay committed to getting in the gym and hitting it hard. I just have an injured leg. I'm not broken! To me, this is no biggie. It's just what has to be done. To many who have come up to me though, they say it inspires them to get in there and workout when they are feeling tired, an old injury is acting up.... the excuses go on. I've seen a people go in there with braces, slings, walkers, canes.... and I'm told that, to sum it up, seeing me get in there on crutches, knowing I'm in pain (Dang! I try to hide that. Ha-ha!) helped them not to give up. It's surprising to me, but I'm so happy. If this has helped people to get a new drive and determination, to see that they can do this, and being able to take care of your body is a gift, not just some "have to", then fine. I'll take it. I'll suck this up if someone else can live better b/c of it. It goes beyond this, much deeper infact. My point is just this...
God can and does work with us no matter where we're at. There is noone and nothing that He can't use. He is the master of masterpieces. He can take the old and make it new, fix the broken, strenghten the weak, give voice to the mute, warmth to the cold, love to the lonely, replace fear with peace.... should I go on? But He never stops there. Our God is not one who simply settles for "good enough." He goes above and beyond. He is not gray, luke warm, or in between. There is no standard in God's love, and He shows us that when we let Him.
Don't get mad at God when things don't go as
you thought they should or wanted them to. Try asking Him what is best for you, how He sees it, and what He wants to do in your life. Pray to hear only His voice. Move only when He gives you the direction (and continue to pray on it). Let Him give you peace, His peace. I promise you it's real. If you are in a trial right now, ya need to be thanking God. This is where His glory can really be seen. When we look to Him and trust Him in all of this, He gets to show us and the world what He can do. You'll be made better than ever before. He will never leave you alone where you're at. Open your eyes and see Him. I promise you, He's right here with you.
God is awesome! Let Him show that in your life.
(Anything more ya wanna know about my personal trials and all, please feel free it ask.)
Ok, just had to get this off of my chest. It's just that it's so real and I had to tell anyone who might read this that. Hope you're blessed by it!
xo's
