My instructor reminds me that TKD is my little vaction, I don't have to worry about work, relationships, what I'm eating after class or anything else. But with some major changes in my office, my life has become a lot more stressful. One of the biggest problems I'm having is the stress it's causing between my fiancee and me, I haven't been able to see her too much lately and it's starting to become a problem for us. It would be different if it was temporary but the issue is that I lost my part time reporter to a promotion as office manager and am now writing about 80% of the content for my newspaper and doing almost all the photos, I have trouble getting nights off so that do other things I need to do like laundry (I miss living in a town that has 24 hour laundromats) and cleaning my apartment. This won't keep up forever and I've told my boss that. I can't keep working almost every night and every weekend without issues coming up.
I am able to escape from stress at times and class was one of them. My instructor trusted me with a key so that could get into the dojang and open it up so that students wouldn't be waiting outside in the cold. I'm luck that she made the key different from my others, it's one of those "wacky keys" with flames which is kind of cool.
I hear (or read) about how people see TKD as a way of life, for me there are some vaules that TKD stresses that were already a part of my life, but I use TKD as an anchor and escape. Everyone uses TKD as they see fit, which if fine to me.
I have my next promotion test on October 25, I know that I'm phyiscally ready but I don't know if my mind is totally ready. I've pulled myself out of testing before, but part of me wants to keep on going. I wonder if I pull back in TKD if I will feel like I'm just not moving forward anymore.
Last night I was just so frustated after getting back from class and trying to talk with my fiancee, I went down to the golf course and was using the driving range and by the lights of my truck I was there for two hours before I finally broke down. One of the member of my usually foursome came down helped me at a lonely hour. I now have a slight cold due to my actions of golfing in the rain at night. But to me right now it seems like a small price to pay for getting my emotions out.
My mind races all the time, insomenia is a big issue for me and when stress starts piling up it gets worse. I let my emotions sometimes get the best of me but letting lose on a board or golf or even typing a blog is better then hiting alcohol, drugs or worse.
I read that we as a soceity have become more and more busy and stress levels are hitting new highs, I believe that. Maybe in the future I'll take a step back and do a simple job that doesn't require same responsiblity or better yet maybe I might actually be able to live as being a martial artist.
Maybe we all need to something more wacky at times to feel better...
