Over the past month a lot of things have changed in my life and although there were some great losses with it, I am beginning to see that it might have been a good thing for me to experience.  In a matter of a week I lost a very special friendship, my job, and my cousin (19) passed away.  At the end of that week, I felt that I was at the lowest point that I have been at in a VERY long time, but it also taught me a lot about myself and how much I can fight back and come out on top.

I am in the process of starting over in many areas but it is turning out to be a good thing in a couple of different ways.  It has made me really step back and take a look at what is important to me, what I thought was important to me (and maybe really isn't) and what really doesn't matter.  I have found a new job and I think I am going to be happy there, but more importantly, for the first time in several years, I have time for those things that are really important to me because of having a different job. 

Over the past couple of years I had spent a great deal of time away from home and although I loved my job, the hours were not always great and the commute took even more time.  I very rarely got to see my loved ones and I am now able to be there for them.  My grandmother has been in poor health for quite awhile and with my new job I now have the time to visit with her, help her with chores around her house, take her to various appointments, and check in on her on my lunch hour, relieving some of the stress off of other members of the family.  Although it is very stressful to care for an ill grandparent and to watch their health progressively get worse, I am very grateful that I am able to be there for her more than a couple of hours every couple of weeks and to be able to spend this time with her (even when she drives me nuts!)  I know that one day, I am going to be glad that I am able to have this time with her and that I am able to be there to help her and care for her. 

Although I very much enjoy TKD and it is a huge part of who I am, I have decided that I am going to take the summer off and wait until fall to find a new school.  I miss working out A LOT, and it has only been a couple of weeks, it is what I need to do for the time.  With starting a different job and the demands of caring for my grandmother I am limited on time in which there are classes availabe at a school in which I can afford.  However, I definitely plan on returning at the end of the summer as it is not something that I am willing to give up long term, but a few months away from a school is something that I think I can manage as long as I continue to work on my forms, kicking, and punching on my heavy bag in my basement a couple of times a week.  It is a sacrifice, but in the end I feel that the time spent with my grandmother is something that I will never regret and I feel that if I were to be spending that time at the dojo instead I would one day regret it.  However, I do intend on staying as active as I can here and on another forum in which I have learned so much and I feel it will help make the next few months without being in a school a little easier to manage.

I guess this is really just a long way of saying that those losses and hurdles we face often are there for a reason and in my case, it was to help me re-evaluate where my priorities were and where they needed to be.  I won't claim to have figured it all out because there are still several things I don't understand (like a 19 year old's life ending tragically) or the loss of a very special friendship, but it does happen for a reason and one day it will all make sense to me.  So, in some ways I am grateful for the lessons learned from a horrible week yet in other ways I continue to grieve.  In the end, it is all about living life and trying to have as few regrets as possible and remembering to do the right thing, even when it seems impossible!

Bookmark: